Intimidated

May 22nd, 2008

I have developed a phobia of posting my knitted FO’s. I mean, I finished Mr. Tumblyday’s sweater back in January or something and still haven’t posted pictures.

I think the reason is that there is so much beautiful photography on Ravelry and blogs that I am intimidated. Spend a few minutes looking at favorited objects on Ravelry and you’ll see what I mean. And I will never hold a candle to brooklyntweed.

So today I made a decision. I’ll try to get good light, and use the macro focus on my camera, and do my best at color correction in Photoshop. But I accept that I will never produce stunning photography of my socks and sweaters, so I’m not going to wait. Here’s a taste:

ricracdetail.jpg

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Journey for Max

May 21st, 2008

There are a lot of things that I cannot imagine doing, healthy or ill. One of them is running across Death Valley in July.

But Connie Karras will do just that, and this year she is running to honor a friend with CFS.

Last year, Connie ran her first Badwater Solo and it was her friend Max Gordon who helped her do it. Despite her illness, Max stayed with Connie as part of her support crew. Connie credits Max with helping her finish. So this year, Connie will run another Badwater Solo to raise money for the CFIDS Association.

I’ve made my pledge in support of Connie’s run. Will you do the same?

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May 18th, 2008

breed
see more dog pictures

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Not Again

May 17th, 2008

(cross posted to the Swatchy blog)

Remember how I couldn’t see the Yarn Harot last fall even though I was less than an hour’s ride from her? It’s deja vu all over again.

Stephanie Pearl-McPhee will be speaking at the Philadelphia Book Festival tomorrow and then signing books. I was hoping that I could go, despite the fact I’m still recovering from the trip to DC. Mr. Tumblyday was pretty determined that I should go, and was willing to wrangle the wheelchair and try to get special accommodation from the Free Library folks (who have been friendly).

But I’m too ill. I would be in a full crash before I even got to the room filled with several hundred rowdy knitters. And waiting in line for her autograph would be completely impossible, even in my wheelchair. The noise and crowd is more than I can handle, let alone the strain of the outing itself.

I love Stephanie and I love her new book. She has been so kind to me and the various Swatchys that my friends have taken to her events. I would like to tell her in person how deeply she has touched my life with her humor and kindness. But I cannot.

Once again, CFS has interfered and stolen something from me. Once again, I have to tell myself that I can’t do something even though I desperately want to do it. I have to give this up in order to safeguard my health for the next week. It doesn’t matter how fun it would be; going to see Stephanie would put me in bed for several days and extend my current crash for a week or more.

My blog-friend Sue recently observed that coping with CFS takes incredible strength. It takes strength to stop yourself from doing something you would enjoy because you know how severe the consequences would be. I don’t know, but maybe it is like the strength that is required by an alcoholic to say no to a glass of champagne at someone’s wedding. You know you cannot take part in small, happy thing because of the consequences that will follow. You have to tell yourself no, and find a way to be ok with it.

Can you understand what this feels like?

Posted in Creativity, Health | 1 Comment »

My Bad

May 15th, 2008

Ok, so I just figured out why some comments were vaporized after I just vaporized another 25 comments by accident!!! I just learned the hard way that I freaking HATE the new dashboard layout for WordPress.

HATE.

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Can We?

May 15th, 2008

This is something I hope we all can agree on:

Next January, the political leadership of the United States will change significantly. It is important that the candidates who seek to lead the country after the Bush Administration define their objectives and what they plan to achieve not with vague language but with clarity.

But each of us will have to read the full speech, and the positions of the other candidates, and decide whether we agree with the objectives and methods.

Posted in Beliefs | No Comments »

Vaporized

May 14th, 2008

I’m not sure what happened, but at some point yesterday all the comments going back to mid-April were vaporized.  It’s not my fault.  Mr. Tumblyday was doing something on the server yesterday, and I don’t know what happened.  He’s the geeky one in the house.  Anyway, feel free to offer theories, but know that I’ll just pass them on to him because I don’t understand most of this crap!

My apologies to all of you who had comments disappear.  It was completely accidental and is not a comment on what I think of your comments!  Know that I read every comment as it is posted, and I am so grateful for your support during this last week.

Posted in Blather | 1 Comment »

Snafu

May 12th, 2008

I made it to the meeting Friday.

I’m home.

I’m crashed.

It was worth it.  More details soon.

Posted in Beliefs, Health | No Comments »

Trapped

May 8th, 2008

This morning, the CFIDS Association hosted a Senate briefing on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome with Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA). The presenters included Scott Simon from NPR, who spoke about the personal impact of CFS upon his friend Laura Hillenbrand. Ms. Hillenbrand, who lives near Capitol Hill, was too ill to attend the briefing.

So was I.

I am trapped here, in my hotel room, just two miles from the Capitol. This afternoon, the Board of Directors of the CFIDS Association and other advocates will meet with members of Congress and their staffs to discuss the desperate need for more federal funding of CFS research. This is the main reason I came to DC this week - to plead for research funding - but I can’t do it.

Since giving my testimony on Tuesday morning, I have not left the hotel room. In fact, I’ve barely left the bed. I’m maximizing my pain medication and sleeping as much as I can - to no avail. I had hoped (foolishly) that resting on Wednesday would allow me to participate in the events today and a meeting tomorrow. Nope. My only chance of attending tomorrow’s Board meeting is to stay confined today.

So I’m trapped in my hotel, and in my body. My best intentions and optimistic plans have been trashed, once again, by CFS. Once again, I’ve lost the opportunity to make a difference. Congress needs to see people like me, needs to hear our stories in person. It’s our best hope of achieving the goal of a robust CFS research program. But CFS is holding me hostage, and I feel like I have failed somehow.

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Testify

May 6th, 2008

Today I had the opportunity to address the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Advisory Committee, an advisory committee chartered by the Department of Health and Human Services. I delivered the following comments:

I sit before you in a wheelchair today because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am not here to tell you about what this illness has stolen from me, or about the quality of medical care I have received. In fact, if Chronic Fatigue Syndrome were simply a medical problem, I would not waste your time today. But CFS is costing our economy billions of dollars and is a significant public health crisis.

I am here to urge this committee to advise Secretary Michael Leavitt of the true scope of CFS and the burden of this illness. I am here to urge Secretary Leavitt to immediately direct his department to mount a meaningful response to CFS. The current level of investment in CFS research is not just inadequate; it is an embarrassment.

CFS costs an estimated $20,000 per patient per year in lost productivity and wages, according to a study published in 2004. The CDC’s latest prevalence data estimates a patient population of 4 million, which means the impact of CFS on the US economy is as high as $80 billion per year in lost productivity. This number does not include health care or disability costs, so we must assume the true cost of CFS is even higher.

The annual loss of $80 billion dollars in productivity is a significant public problem. With all due respect to the agency representatives here today, your agencies clearly do not allocate resources commensurate to the devastating impact of CFS upon our economy and nation.

Consider that lost productivity due to diabetes cost $58 billion in 2007. Last year, the National Institutes of Health spent just over $1 billion on diabetes research. In other words, NIH invested 1.7 cents in research for every productivity dollar lost. If NIH allocated research funds to CFS as it has to diabetes, then a 1.7 cent investment per dollar lost would translate into $1.3 billion in annual research. Apparently, NIH believes that CFS does not merit such investment. Last year, the NIH spent only $4 million on CFS research, an investment of less than 1/100th of a penny for every dollar lost.

Allow me to illustrate this gross disparity another way. There are 20.8 million Americans with diabetes. By spending $1 billion on diabetes research, NIH invested $48 per patient in 2007. In contrast, NIH’s CFS research program represented an investment of $1 per patient. It is well established that CFS patients are as disabled as patients with end-stage renal disease, multiple sclerosis and AIDS. There is no treatment for CFS, and doctors do not appropriately diagnose us. In contrast, diabetes can be effectively diagnosed and managed, and doctors are quite familiar with how to educate their patients to maximize treatment efficacy. But NIH spent 48 times more money per patient on diabetes research than it spent on CFS in 2007.

The CDC fares no better than NIH in this regard. While the CDC spent slightly more than NIH on its CFS research program last year, I must bring to your attention that the group published only two papers on CFS in 2007 and has only one manuscript in the pipeline at this time. This is further evidence of the erosion of CDC’s research program, about which this committee has long been concerned.

Ladies and gentlemen, this situation is not acceptable.

No reasonable person can be satisfied with claims that there is no more money available for CFS research. Money can be found for high priority problems. Our government is capable of addressing threats to our economy by bailing out endangered banks or flooding the market with economic stimulus checks. Yet here is a clearly documented cost to our economy of $80 billion in lost productivity each and every year, and the best NIH can do is invest a miniscule fraction of one penny for every dollar lost? This is a foolish policy. Our economy needs 4 million CFS patients to return to their jobs, earn their salaries, support their families and pay their taxes. If Secretary Leavitt has been unmoved by the suffering of patients and their families, then perhaps he can be convinced by the numbers.

Do not tell me that we cannot afford more CFS research. The truth is that we cannot afford NOT to make meaningful investments in CFS research.

This committee’s charter obligates you to advise the Secretary of the burdens of CFS, not just on individuals, but on our economy as well. You are obligated to tell the Secretary that the two agencies responsible for researching CFS and finding treatments for it saw fit to spend a tiny fraction of one penny for every dollar of lost productivity last year. You must convince the Secretary that research spending should be made proportional to the size of the problem.

I urge this committee to take whatever steps are necessary to secure meaningful action by the Secretary. I have been ill for 4,962 days. I am waiting for this committee and the Secretary to act. And I do not wait alone. At least four million Americans and their families wait with me.

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